You see, not only have I encountered misogyny many times in my life than I care to recall, I have come to realize that I am also guilty of having been that person. A misogynist.
Most of our societies program us that way. We are taught that girls/women are dirty, objects, of a lesser status. It is so weird because if you really dig into history you will find that these are untruths. Some of the most powerful, revolutionary, astounding people in all fields all through history were women.
The way I see it is that this twisted notion of women being less is the reason sex has become such taboo, repressed, and misunderstood…
Growing up the couples around me were disappointed when they found out they were expecting a girl and many kept having babies until the boy arrived. The heir to the throne. The girls just faded into the background…I do not have a brother myself, my parents drew the line at three girls, but I watched, listened and learned.
When I found out I was pregnant with a girl many years ago I felt a huge disappointment. In fact, I was crushed. I was so sure I will have another boy. I even had a name picked out for him. That was to ensure the tiny fetus inside me will morph into a boy. Well, that did not happen.
I remember the day I came back from the ultrasound and they had said I am carrying a girl.
The horror of horrors, she will someday be a woman just like me.
I cried for days…
I mourned for hours.
I understood why no one wanted a girl.
A girl into this world. NO. I refuse. I refuse she become a voiceless, submissive, servant..
a shell…
A volcano waiting to erupt.
A doormat.
I refuse she put her needs last and cater to the world.
I refuse that she cannot say what is on her mind.
I refuse that she cannot be as she wants to be.
I refuse that she will set her dreams aside and follow someone else’s dreams.
I refuse she be treated like a possession, an object.
I refuse she be taken for granted.
I do not want my girl in this world. I simply do not.
Please do not misunderstand this as lack of love for my daughter. On the contrary, it is impossible to love anyone more than her and her brother.
I sat with myself and tried to see where else have I been a misogynist or contributed to such thinking. The answer came too soon: In the ways I have treated myself, and other women.
I have given up my dreams and hopes to live other people’s lives.
I have wanted to find approval, belonging and connection on behalf of abandoning myself.
I have neglected my needs and wants and served, and served, and served….
I left my dreams, my hopes and my wishes to complete others hopes, dreams and wishes.
I forgot my soul.
I have hated other women. I have hated them for having what I could not have.
I have hated them for treating me in inferior ways, I have hated them for going against me instead of being with me.
I have hated women for betraying my friendship.
I have hated women because they have asked to be hated.
I ask you to look and see where you have done the same. Find those places you have acted this way against yourself or others, and reclaim, reclaim, reclaim and purge. Perhaps if we all do this we can erase this hatred of women once and for all.
If you are a woman it doesn’t mean you love all women. You may be carrying some unconscious hatred to women who have hurt you. We keep putting the blame on men, and yes, they may have caused it, but we are participants. We have a hand in this.
Let’s all do some intense soul searching starting this second.
You see, this subject is very important to me on a very profound level and it really is important to the world at large. I find that the history of misogyny is intertwined with the history of sexuality. The more we can understand misogyny the more we will understand why sex has fallen from grace. The more we understand how sex has fallen, the more we are able to liberate ourselves from the negative notions associated with it.
In this liberation we will all reach creative abilities we never even dreamt of.