This Eve …
Around this time last year I did all I can to run away from my feelings. Yes, I resort to such patterns as well. I wanted to disappear, and not feel what I was going through.
As if by leaving the space I am in, the feelings will stay behind and I would not have to feel them. I was in disbelief that this breakup thing was happening to me yet again. I decided to drive thirteen hours to see a friend I had not seen in over twenty years. While that was a gift in so many ways, the running away was not. The feelings I was trying to escape drove thirteen hours with me.
I have had two years now to process the resolution of this fated relationship. A person I opened up to and let into my heart, my home, and my soul, suddenly walked out of my life as quickly as he had walked in. I know I am not alone and many can identify with this feeling. As difficult as this was, I finally found closure in the course of this year. The gift of 2018 to me. A closure that I have had to source from deep within my soul.
How did I find closure? I spent a lot of time in solitude, and naturally in silence.
The more silent and alone I was, the more I was able to see things I had not seen before. I saw my shadow so clearly, I saw his shadow as clearly. I understood my role and the part I played in the outcome, and I understood his role as well.
I am not writing this post as a lament or to play victim. On the contrary, I wanted to say that if I did this, anyone can! I share this incase any of my readers are going through something similar, I highly recommend solitary confinement. Ha!
Jokes aside, really I recommend spending a lot of time alone. I mean really alone. I am actually planning a silent solo- at home retreat for myself this New Year’s Eve. Incase you wanted to try this with me here is an idea of what my day will look like.
I will be avoiding human interaction of any kind, and sitting in meditation for most of the day and evening. I may end the silence towards late evening and get together with a friend, and I may not. If not, I will sleep while still in silence. I am just going to flow and see how my day turns out while holding the intention of silence.
As soon as I arise on December 31, 2018, I will meditate and do a few simple stretches. Nothing too intense, just enough to get the blood flowing. I will have a simple breakfast of kitchari ( I have come across many recipes over the years and my favorite remains the one by Doctor Blossom) and proceed to meditate until I feel I have digested my food. Next I will do a full yoga class that lasts at least an hour long. I will include a variety of poses and make sure I have toned and stretched my major muscles. This I shall follow with more meditation and perhaps a cup or two of tea. I will play and chant mantras for the remainder of the day and use some of this time to prepare food, organize, clean or paint. Anything that does not require me to use my brain. Lunch will be kitchari followed by more meditation. Just before dinner I will do a full body abyangha (self-oil massage). Each person can use the oil best suited for their dosha. If you are not sure what your dosha is, check out this quiz from Banyan Botanicals. After the oil massage, I will most likely stretch a bit more depending on what my body needs. It could be 15 minutes to half an hour. I shall have kitchari for dinner. After dinner I will meditate, reflect, and write in my journal and set intentions for 2019.
This can be done for several days, not just one day. One can also disperse such days throughout the entire year.
The benefits you ask?
Aside from extreme presence, multiple insights, and stress release your New Year’s Eve party will have more color, flavor and texture~ guaranteed!
May we all reap what we sow this coming year!!!