I am a bit late for national coming out day, well I suppose it is never too late. I have to share something about me that maybe a surprise to most: I am Heyoka. (Pronounced: hey-o-ka).
It finally makes sense. I am an empath. One of the most powerful of my kind. I cannot believe that it took me a lifetime to realize this.
You see when I was young, I would find myself getting really sad and emotional to the point of hiding in a corner when attending events. I would sit there and ball my eyes out. This always left me wondering how come I was so happy to be going to this wonderful event and suddenly getting so sad and emotional over nothing that I can really identify. I never could explain this mystery up until recently. It has been a few years now that I have known I am intuitive and empathic. I finally allowed myself to really know myself and the the knowing hit me suddenly and my entire life made sense in that one moment of clarity. All those emotionally charged moments of my life didn’t seem so bizarre anymore.
I recall one of my teachers writing in my grade book in elementary school: seems to cry for no real reason. Looking back, I am sure I was sensing into someone else’s pain. There was a very valid reason, and perhaps many reasons. No one cries for no reason! It never occurred to me that others cannot feel as I did. I thought that part of being human meant you felt so deeply.
These sensitivities seem to have become magnified as I have acknowledged them, which is really helpful when I am in a Metaphysical Anatomy Technique session and trying to assist someone who is completely oblivious to their pain. I can read into what is not being said. I recently attended a talk by Thomas Hübl in which he said that as therapists and healers we must find the hidden pain that is not spoken. Well, I have great news, I have been doing that all my life!
The funny thing about being an empath is that I do not choose who I am going to intuit. It just happens. I pick up on the emotional body mostly, and sometimes physical pain as well. I can even tell when my cats are hungry.
How I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am an empath:
I have been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive.
I feel people’s feelings.
I am emotionally drained by crowds.
I cannot function without alone time.
Perfumes and chemicals are harsh on my system.
World news kills me.
I may come across as cold and distant.
I easily become an emotional dumping ground.
The sun, and cold can really damage my skin.
It used to be difficult to know which emotions are mine and which are not, however, over the years I have learned to tell the difference. So please think twice before telling me “this is your stuff” it absolutely is not. Most of the time, in large groups, I am acting as a mirror. Sometimes while completely oblivious to it myself.
The Curse of a Gift
I have been given the gift (or curse) of sensing the motivations, and intentions of others. I can read and feel emotions on an energetic level. I also sense physical pain. This is a gift because it helps me with trauma release sessions, however when I do not wish to feel, and I am on break is when it is a curse infringing on my sacred alone time.
They say being an empath is a double edged sword. On the one hand, it is what helps me know what a group needs in a yoga class, it allows me to feel the needs of my children and loved one’s. It allows me to be gentle with those who cross my path, because of an inner knowing of their struggles. On the other hand, if I forget to protect myself, my emotions will become turbulent, I can become depressed for days and sometimes months and begin to isolate myself. The world can get very dark very fast.
My system is like a sponge. I literally take on energies and emotions that if I had the choice to not take on, I would seriously not. As an empath it is important I set boundaries, say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes. There is no grey area when it comes to that. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. It really took me a long time to understand this about myself. This is why we do inner work. To find ourselves and know ourselves like no other person can. The more I know myself, the more I love myself. Not in a narcissistic kind of way, just in an awestruck, humble, yummy deep I love you Suzy sort of way.
I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about heyoka also known as a sacred clown, or trickster. I find tremendous solace in words like these. I have always been overly sensitive to the misuse of power, and since our world is replete with it, you can understand why I may look miserable on most days. This quote says it all:
The main function of a sacred clown is to deflate the ego of power by reminding those in power of their own fallibility, while also reminding those who are not in power that power has the potential to corrupt if not balanced with other forces, namely with humor – Gary Z. McGee
It is not about me
I am saddened by the fact that hunger, slavery, and wars still exist in the 21st century. These things weigh heavily on my heart if I allow myself to dwell on them. I have to find the balance between feeling too much and too little.
So yes, please, this is not about me, especially not at this time in my life. I have always felt the pain of the world and felt helpless at trying to alleviate it. I realize I was made to be of service just please try not to trample on my giving heart.
When you find me doing things contrary to social expectations and norms, I am actually trying to show you something you may not see otherwise.
We all are empathic and intuitive to some degree. Whatever degree it is, we are born with it. It is not a skill that we acquire. It is something present in our DNA. Here’s how you can find out how much of an empath you are: http://www.empathtest.com
Can you guess what I scored?