Sex in the 21st Century
The conversation usually goes something like this:
Them: You are writing a book?
Them: Wonderful, what about ?
Oh! Wow! (eyes widen, big smile happens),what about sex?
This is not what you are thinking…I begin to explain, I am not a sex therapist, I am an artist. I am writing this book from the experience of having lived in both an Eastern culture and a Western culture. I write about the patriarchy, misogyny, repression and oppression. I also write because of epiphanies I had while researching creative process.
You see, creative energy is really that which the yoga world calls kundalini energy. This same kundalini energy is actually the same energy used for creating all kinds of things in one’s life, a meal, a book, a painting, or even a beautiful living room.
Be the Master of Your Kundalini
Mystics have continuously spoken of how we can be the master of our own kundalini energy rather than allow it to become our master. This is called the use of the will. We humans have this amazing capacity, that which distinguishes us from the rest of earthly creation. When we meditate, do yoga, fast or do any other sort of spiritual practice, what we are really doing is strengthening our will. Mystics, spiritual teachers, and prophets throughout time have known this truth.
What inspired me to write such a book is that I have seen two very conflicting and extreme world views on sex. What is more, in the Western culture that prides itself on sexual liberation, sex is still as taboo as anywhere else. In addition to this, women are still treated like objects, used to gratify a man’s sexual urge under the pretense that there is more. I know, this may seem like a general statement, however there is solid research that has been done. Although honestly, we really do not need this research as we have evidence in the form of the me too movement that took hold of the entire globe just last year.
Sex Education Crisis
In November of last year I came across an interesting article titled The Sex Ed Crisis. This was validation to me that this book that I am taking my time producing is very much needed in our times. On the other side of the spectrum, to this day we hear stories about honor killings in countries such as Pakistan and Saudi Arabia. Women whose lives are taken because they shamed the family name as a result of engaging in some sexual scandal.
This book is about my own experience with a seventeen year marriage which looking back could have been completely different had I even had the relationship and sexual literacy I have today. I bring attention to scenarios that could have been avoided without the social programs that we are fed as children, and the taboos that we are handed down from our mothers, fathers, grandfathers and beyond. Those are the things I wish every young adult can have access to and work with.
Let’s Talk about Sex
You see, dear reader, I do not claim to have the answers, however I feel like this conversation needs to be happening within conscious communities around the world. If we do not begin this who else would? When I say conscious conversation I do not mean that we are to encourage it either. From my learning and experience I believe in finding a happy medium.
I also do not think the problem is solely the women, nor is it solely the men. It is something that we co-created eons ago. We must take responsibility for this culture of misogyny, we (humanity) created it with this default mentality that women are less than men and that men can get away with everything, while women cannot.
I have come to the conclusion that gender is a distraction! Why is gender a distraction? Because it is another way we bypass our common humanity, in essence we are all the same underneath our skin, masks, and gender identities that we are taught as children. Few of us have the courage to break free from such things.
Clearing up Myths
Some of the questions I ask and attempt to answer in this book are, will we ever be able to bring the masculine and feminine to the same level? Why was Lilith cut out from the story of creation? Is there a different creation story that would better serve us?
I also clear up some myths around sex. Did you know that the myth of the virgin is a big lie the patriarchy concocted to control women? The hymen is not a what the patriarchy has taught us. No one ever told us that the hymen is actually like a scrunchy. Yes, that unfortunately was vital information that was left out in our sexual education.
The part I find humor in really is that no matter the great lengths that we have taken to control sex or to sweep it under the rug, sex still happens! Wouldn’t it be better if we actually educate our children to view sex as a completely natural thing, which it is, and not bring in fear, shame and guilt into the equation?
What we really need to fear is people passing on their wounding and abusive behavior to others when engaging in sex . Many of us parents, myself included worry about our children ending up in highly abusive situations. There is no avoiding this as the world is replete with psychopaths. We need to educate our young adults about what healthy sex is -not that sex is bad. Teenagers would benefit from learning to recognize unhealthy relationships, to protect themselves from disease, from harm and to be discerning in choosing partners. Some countries are already teaching children about everything sex related at an early age, it has to be the entire world. If we keep the old programming about sex we will never get out of this vicious cycle.
Creative Process Research
After about eight years of research on creative process, I have come to see that engaging in creative process regardless of what the medium is must be something that every human being is able to do on a daily basis. Being in touch with this aspect of our self is a way to manage, heal and clear our sexual energy. Through the research I found that creative process is the safest, and simplest way to individuation. Carl Jung recognized this many years ago and it surprises me that it has not been widely implemented yet.
Allow me to add that creative process is not enough alone, neither is sex education. We must include a spiritual, mystical education, that sex is sacred and I expand on such a notion within this book, attempting to answer the question what does sacred sex really look like in these times?
I hope this book will become a reference, mostly to young adults as within it will be some helpful information that I draw from my experience, research and the guidance that led me to write such a book.
A Journey Into My Womb. The Myth of Menopause
In April 2017, I had a lucid dream, surely not the first time I have one of those. It was the first time I had journeyed into my womb. I was on a silent retreat with Aisha Salem in the Valencia area in Spain. This dream felt like real life and as I went around I was awestruck. I was walking about in this luminous and yet dark cave, which was my uterus, and really carefully trying to understand every cell of it. It seemed like I was looking at and admiring every ovule that my body had ever made. I was counting the ovules one by one, like precious gems that I needed to understand their dimensions, roundedness, size, and health.
When I awakened I wrote the dream down in my dream journal in hopes of greater insights as to what this dream was telling me. I wondered if it was about the retreat I had led in Costa Rica at Philia Center in January of that same year, as the retreat was titled “Womb Healing”. I really could not understand this dream , aside from the fact that my womb is such a precious part of me. To behold it from the inside was way beyond fantastical. The timing was strange and yet here it was me walking around in my uterus inspecting my ovules. Soon after I returned home I painted the painting which I titled Womb Awakening, featured below in this blog.
In this dream where I visit my uterus, it seemed that it was my unconscious thanking my womb for all the creations it had bestowed upon me, the two beautiful beings who are my children and all the millions of ovules that had such potential. It is okay that these ovules never made it to human form. It is enough that my uterus was actually able to produce them. What miracles. What mysteries. Thanking it for being so fertile, healthy and giving. For standing strong in the face of many storms. For forgiving me for all the times when I forgot my no was sacred. For gifting me so much creative energy to combine with my wild imaginings. For understanding that sometimes I had other priorities and responsibilities than to care for her. She has been the nourisher of my dreams. She has helped me manifest this life.
This is my 50thyear and despite this, she keeps offering me precious gifts. The gift of feeling and knowing. I can feel my ovaries turning around, returning to their origin. I feel when I will be bleeding and when I will not. I am in tune with my body so much so that I can sense the slightest shift. I have also been experiencing insane physical pain in my abdomen that has not received any medical diagnosis. When the pain hits, it feels as if my sides have flaming hot coals in them.
Every test I have done so far has returned negative. Is it because I am that sensitive that I can literally feel this menopause thing as it takes over my body? Is this a past life karma? an archetypal karma? No one ever prepares us for this. I surely was never prepared for it. I have heard about it and never realized that it will arrive one day in this way, and this quickly. Could it be that I am feeling on behalf of those who cannot feel it? Regardless, the intensity has been real for an entire year now.
I have to let you know my dear sisters, it is one of the most mystical experiences you will ever have. It is sacred time. Whatever you do, do not disown it, fight it or ignore it. Be in communion with this season of your life, dedicate your self to understanding it for that is how it will gift you several wisdoms.
Have you heard of andropause?
I have an intuition this goes for men too. I am sure they experience such growing pains as they approach the prime years of their life. This makes me feel so much compassion as most men have no way of expressing or addressing this let alone dealing with it. They can’t walk into the doctor’s office and say please help my hormones are helter skelter! So, yes it actually happens and it is called andropause. Now can someone please explain to me why we only hear of menopause and not andropause? I mean seriously, what misogyny is this? What discrimination, and racism!
Menopause or andropause are not the end of the road as society would have us think. In my experience so far, it actually is a literal re-birth. It is not easy I have to admit, there are physical symptoms that accompany it that are different for each one of us. There are days where I literally feel like I am dying. Society would have us believe that when we reach this stage we no longer desire physical intimacy, that our life is over and we might as well be dead. Some of us will go to great lengths in the hopes of preserving our youth. There is nothing that can preserve it. The harder you try, the more difficult it gets.
Energy is Energy
What if you just let it be? Let it happen? What would it be like to relinquish control and let nature take its course?
It helps to recall the words of Albert Einstein: energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. Each form has its blessings and gifts to bestow upon us if we learn to harvest them. Instead of lamenting the loss of something, we can rejoice in the birth of what is new.
I am still in the throes of it believe me, and there are days where I have to drag myself out of bed. As a result, of this learning adventure, I have decided to concoct a retreat for women of all ages to learn ways to support and nourish around this season of life.
This retreat will take place in September of 2019 at Rocca Massima. Since this has to do with our creative power, the sacral chakra, svadhisthana, which is also the sexual center you bet I have some juicy creativity stuff up my sleeve. From tips to relieve symptoms without a single hormonal patch, harnessing your creative energy, what to eat, when to eat, treating injuries, and being your own best healer, to planning your new chapter in life. Look for more details as we get closer to September on the FB page under Journey Into the Womb.
Wishing you many seasons of beauty.